Diagnosis or Cure?

A few weeks ago I had the auspicious pleasure of hearing my doctor inform me that I had an ear infection. Do adults even get those?! I remember holding my son in my arms as a toddler after the surgeon had put tubes in his ears for the countless ear infections he had had, but I always thought that was an affliction one outgrew.

Apparently not.

Thankfully, I left the doctor's office with new knowledge and a prescription for Z-Pak, my new favorite antibiotic cocktail. Ear pain gone; life back to normal. Diagnosis and cure in one fell swoop.

In the Old Testament book of Leviticus, God outlines the priestly duties for Aaron and his sons, who are not only designated as intermediaries for God's people in the department of sin atonement, but are also instructed to carry out butcher duties for the sacrificial animals and to provide extensive diagnosis of diseases, like a community doctor. Priest, butcher and doctor are not what I would consider complementary professions, but there you have it in Scripture. Take a look at just a few examples of the medical knowledge necessary for Aaron and his sons to perform their God-given duties:

The priest is to examine him, and if the rash has spread in the skin, he shall pronounce him unclean; it is an infectious disease.

⁹ “When anyone has an infectious skin disease, he must be brought to the priest. ¹⁰ The priest is to examine him, and if there is a white swelling in the skin that has turned the hair white and if there is raw flesh in the swelling, ¹¹ it is a chronic skin disease and the priest shall pronounce him unclean. He is not to put him in isolation, because he is already unclean. (Leviticus 13:8-11)

¹⁸ “When someone has a boil on his skin and it heals, ¹⁹and in the place where the boil was, a white swelling or reddish-white spot appears, he must present himself to the priest. ²⁰ The priest is to examine it, and if it appears to be more than skin deep and the hair in it has turned white, the priest shall pronounce him unclean. It is an infectious skin disease that has broken out where the boil was. (Leviticus 13:18-20)

²⁴ “When someone has a burn on his skin and a reddish-white or white spot appears in the raw flesh of the burn, ²⁵the priest is to examine the spot, and if the hair in it has turned white, and it appears to be more than skin deep, it is an infectious disease that has broken out in the burn. The priest shall pronounce him unclean; it is an infectious skin disease. (Leviticus 13:24-25)

The priest shall pronounce him unclean. Yep. You're sick alright. Now get outta town. That was the pronouncement. Then come back in a week and we'll see if you're better or worse. Would any of us keep going to a doctor like that?!

A few chapters later we see that the priests have a formula for pronouncing the formerly diseased person clean. Like with animal food choices earlier in the book, God has carefully outlined preemptive regulations to keep His children healthy. He has designated some animals clean and some animals unclean. Certain animals are pronounced "unclean" because of how they digest food or where they live. Kosher guidelines, like all other parts of God's law, were designed to protect God's people. In the same way, after a skin disease has gone away, the priests have guidelines for pronouncing that person clean - able to rejoin society and come back into God's presence.

But there's no cure.

God outlines a formula to prevent disease. He gives extensive information to the priests for diagnosing disease. But He alone is the Healer.

Enter Jesus.

Those with skin diseases, fevers, blood disorders, evil spirits, blindness, paralysis, shriveled limbs, and dropsy (Dr. Luke liked to make sure we knew the details of the disease.) came to Jesus for healing. Sometimes He went to them instead. Either way, He looked at the "unclean" affliction that had been pronounced and reached out in compassion, with healing. Other biblical characters had brought people back to life occasionally. And in the book of Acts we see the disciples performing all kinds of inexplicable events. Miracles aren't unique to the gospels. But Jesus was different because He completely obliterated the line between clean and unclean by bringing absolute healing in body, mind and spirit.

The law forbidding an unclean person the human contact we all need didn't apply to Jesus because as God Himself, His absolute holiness couldn't be compromised. So Jesus could touch those who were isolated when He healed them, thereby giving them acceptance as well as health.

⁴ Surely he took up our infirmities

and carried our sorrows,

yet we considered him stricken by God,

smitten by him, and afflicted.

⁵ But he was pierced for our transgressions,

he was crushed for our iniquities;

the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,

and by his wounds we are healed.

⁶ We all, like sheep, have gone astray,

each of us has turned to his own way;

and the LORD has laid on him

the iniquity of us all. (Isaiah 53:4-6)

These words of the prophet Isaiah refer to Jesus, our Healer. Look at what the apostle Peter wrote about Jesus hundreds of years later:

²³ When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. ²⁴ He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. ²⁵ For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls. (1 Peter 2:23-25)

We have been healed by Jesus once and for all! The implications of this piece of history and theology are astounding!

We are no longer slaves to sin.

We are freed from the penalty of our sinful nature because of Christ's sacrifice.

We are forgiven.

We are redeemed - we have been bought from darkness and brought into light.

Our eternal destiny is secure in Heaven.

We belong to God.

Thanks be to God! Whether we have been physically healed of some disease or affliction, or we've been freed from emotional brokenness or addiction, God is the ultimate Healer. Even those of us who are still suffering from the very things we beg God to take away can find solace in the fact that we don't have to live under the weight of the suffering. Our healing - in the most profound sense of the word - has already taken place when we put our trust in Jesus' death and resurrection. And that perspective can be liberating if we let it sink in.

The Holy Spirit's power is limitless and sovereign in its application. When we submit ourselves to His guidance and ask God to reveal His perspective on our lives, we can see beyond physical or emotional limitations to the boundless glory of the freedom of our souls.

⁸ We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹ persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed... (2 Corinthians 4:8-9)

Yes, we may suffer, but we have already been healed.

If sin is the incurable disease whose diagnosis was made at Adam and Eve's first bite of fruit, then we can rejoice in the cure: Jesus' perfect life and sacrifice to raise us up with Him in glorious resurrection.

By His wounds we have been healed. Amen.

Stewardship Thoughts

A broken glass in the recycle bin.

Empty, crushed soda cans and Gatorade bottles in the corners.

Dirty cereal bowls piled in the kitchen sink.

Unidentified stains on the ottoman.

Poker chips and playing cards strewn about a sticky tile floor.

Rhythmically breathing, amorphous silhouettes on the couch and carpet.

The aftermath of a teenage sleepover.

I don't mind the loud music or the raucous laughter over video game wipeouts. I don't mind feeding these boys bushels of cereal, Oreos, and full-course meals. My son has some great friends. I want them to have full use of all the comforts of our home so I can know and spend time with the people who have ever increasing influence over my only child. I want them to use what we have.

I don't want them to wreck what we have.

The concept is called stewardship and it's one that God expects His children to understand and implement. It's the idea of using what God gives us with wisdom and with respect for the Giver. It has to do with our stuff. It has to do with our talents. Our time. Our relationships and emotions. It's everything God has given us. And because there's nothing He didn't give us, it's simply everything.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." (James 1:17)

If someone gives me something that belongs to them, and I'm given the privilege and responsibility of it for a season, I had better take good care of it because I have a connection to the one who gave it to me. The same goes for the good gifts God has given me. I give back a portion of the money He's provided in tithing and figure out what my spiritual gifts and talents are to know how better to serve Him. I steward everything because God wired me uniquely with the capability to serve Him by teaching or running a business or creating inspiring art or administrating projects or caring for children or building houses. I didn't do any of it. Even the ability to learn a new skill came from the brain He gave me.

So looking at the wake of destruction the teens have wrought, I have to ask myself if there's anything in my life that looks like my family room and kitchen - internally and figuratively speaking. Is there anything I'm wasting? As a human being I have limited potential, but am I using what I have to give God glory because I love and fear Him? Or am I treating with contempt the gifts He's given and frittering away my time and resources out of a sense of entitlement or complacency?

I'm sure the 14-year-old boys on my couch are going to love this lesson when they wake up.....

Identity: Appearance

Do you remember the Fernando character from Saturday Night Live, in the 80's? He was a character Billy Crystal brought to life, and his favorite line was, “It is better to look good than to feel good. And dahling, you look MAHvelous!”

Is it?

Women spend countless dollars trying to do both, but fashion often wins over comfort, right? For example, stilettos, spanx, plastic surgery, make-up, hair color, veneers and bleaching for our teeth, certain clothing (which ironically ends up doing neither, when you have bra straps showing, tight skirts that need constant adjustment, etc.), money on handbags and clothes and sunglasses so that we’re taller, thinner, sexier, more elegant or younger. And do we feel better? In other words, does it work? Is it really true that it’s better to look good than to feel good? It must be or we wouldn’t work so hard to look so good and feel so bad!

So it may be true, but as in so many things in life, the real question should be “is it right?”

Because when we spend time, money and energy trying to appear a certain way to people, what message are we sending? Aren’t we begging the world to believe that we are what we look like? If I were to cover all my grey hair, am I not trying to send a visual message of youth and vitality, which is culturally attractive and highly valued? And by carrying my laptop in a Coach briefcase, am I not saying, “Please believe that I’m competent and successful at what I do?” And lest we bring up the argument that name brands are really about the quality of the product, let’s look at how huge the market for knock-offs is. The estimated counterfeit goods market is a $450 billion a year, global business. (Liza Casabona, “Fighting Knockoffs By Protecting A Brand,” WWD Women’s Wear Daily, February 1, 2006) If statistics like that don’t prove the point that we’re going for the image, I don’t know what will. Doesn’t the very existence of that industry make the point that it’s only the appearance that matters?

And why? It’s been said that women dress for other women. We assess one another. We compete with one another on various levels. We compare ourselves to each other. In Susan Shapiro Barash’s book Tripping the Prom Queen, The Truth About Women and Rivalry, she examines the ways in which women compete. Her premise is that we compete and compare because there’s not enough to go around. Listen to this excerpt from her book, written in 2006:

“The U.S. Census informs us that 64 million women are in the workplace today. Clearly, we’ve finally moved into what was once considered a man’s domain. Yet we’re still earning only seventy-six cents to every man’s dollar. On some level, we know we haven’t yet arrived at full equality, and b/c we’re competing primarily with other women, our sisters seem to be responsible for our straitened circumstances. When you compete for a limited slice of the pie, you naturally tend to focus all your anger on your rivals. But who’s really responsible for restricting the pie supply?

My own sense is that we’ll never overcome the tendency to compete with one another until we focus not on the contest for limited goods but on the larger goal: making more good things available to everyone. Economically, we need better-paying jobs, improved childcare options, and more opportunities for women to advance. Socially, we need more men raised by mothers who believe that women are their equals, more men who are looking for strong women and lasting relationships. Personally, we need to find ways of broadening our standards of attractiveness, so we don’t feel the need to enter ourselves in the perpetual beauty contests that seem to be a key feature of many women’s lives. Winning these measures will lessen the pressure to continually rate our age, our looks, and our fashion savvy against those of every other woman in the room.”

So, Ms Barash thinks that if we have more opportunities, change how men view and treat women, and overhaul the cultural bias of beauty, then we won’t be jealous of and compare ourselves to each other anymore. And then we’ll all be happy in our own skin.

Can I suggest an alternative?

Sin.

Don’t I compare myself to others and work so hard at my appearance because I’m insecure or proud or selfish? And doesn’t that come from a wrong view of my value and placing appearance as a higher priority than the content of my character and the state of my heart?

If I was filled with God’s love and confidence in who He created me to be, wouldn’t I find less to criticize in other women?

If I weren’t consumed with my own needs and desires, wouldn’t I be less concerned with the clothes I’m wearing or being as thin as the starlets on the red carpet?

I am not advocating that Christian women be immediately recognizable as the least attractive women in a room, but there is a limit to what is healthy attention to our outer appearance. There are people living in houses they can’t afford, driving cars they can’t afford, and wearing clothes they can’t afford because they don’t want others to form an opinion of them based on what they can afford.

Can I have a “true confession” moment?

Several years ago, when we were looking for a new car, I found one I loved. It was the standard by which all other cars were to be judged in the future. We got a deal, and it was a couple of models old, so I found myself driving a champagne-colored Mercedes E350 with a delicious cream interior. Trouble was, I had teenage boys getting in and out of that car and we live on a hill that gets slippery with the slightest bit of snow. After a short time I realized that what I was driving did not match my reality and we did the car shopping thing once again.

And I grieved.

I wanted to be a rich, elegant, classy lady in the Benz, when the truth is I’m a middle-class housewife with a son who has a penchant for dirty, off-road activities. My outer vehicle appearance had to match reality. Who am I?

I am a grey Subaru Outback.

Here’s something interesting that the apostle Paul has to say about comparisons:

“We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves to themselves, the are not wise.” (2 Corinthians 10:12)

The context includes people who are bragging about their work in ministry. But the concept can be applied to almost any area of life, as I see it. Comparing ourselves to anyone or anything other than God’s holy and perfect standards for our lives is not wise,whether it's a spiritual comparison, a comparison of physical beauty, or comparing the car we drive.

Why is it unwise to compare ourselves to each other? There are three reasons that come to mind immediately. See if they resonate with you.

1. We can’t win. There’s always someone prettier, funnier, smarter, more successful, or better at whatever we attempt. So unless we’re willing to spend our entire lives keeping score, we may as well give up the competition now. And like I’ve learned in marriage, you can either keep score or you can be happy. In this case you could also say, you can keep score or you can be free. You can’t do both.

2. We isolate ourselves. If you’re my competition, it’s disingenuous for me to have intimacy in our relationship. I must keep you at a distance, and then I lose the potential for friendship and growth that I could have if I wasn’t entered in the contest against you. Instead of support and encouragement from one another, we are left alone to feel like freaks or work our behinds off trying to win some imaginary life contest.

3. We use relative standards that aren’t absolute. When we compare ourselves – in appearance or otherwise – to each other, we’re ignoring huge mandates in Scripture that tell us how to live and have relationship. And culturally, those standards outside of Scripture keep changing. How many of us have wished to have been alive when Rubens was painting women? J Those buxom, shapely women of the 16^th century had it going on! And the beauty standard in Mauritania is the bigger the better! Time and location determine the standard of external beauty, whereas God determines our value internally.

So instead of comparing ourselves to arbitrary standards and each other, what if we relied on what God says? Not only about our appearance, but about our inner beauty?

Here are some passages of Scripture that speak to this dichotomy of the world's view and God's. See which of these truths needs to be more central in your life.

“But the LORD said to Samuel, ‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.’” (1 Samuel 16:7)

“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.” (1 Peter 3:1-5)

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:28-34)

“Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.” (Proverbs 11:22)

“For you created my inmost being; 


you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 


I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; 


your works are wonderful, 


I know that full well. 


My frame was not hidden from you 


when I was made in the secret place, 


when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body;

all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” (Psalm 139:13-16)

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; 


but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” (Proverbs 31:30)

So instead of worrying about or placing our value in outward things like accessories or being thin, or having flawless skin, what are the things we can concentrate on that truly define us? How can we make the switch and stay committed to God’s values? Here are some points that may help us keep the right perspective:

1. God created us perfectly, just the way He wanted to. (Psalm 139) Genetics, birthmarks, saddle bags, crazy hair and eye color are all part of the DNA He designed for us and it’s all good. We can work with what we’ve got, but our bodies are our bodies. The days they work as they should is a day to be celebrated and to thank God, not focus on the parts or functions that don’t please us. Millions of cells have to operate in miraculous perfection for us to take a breath and open our eyes in the morning. We are magnificent creations! And the older we are, the more we appreciate that!

2. Our identity is determined by Who created us, not the details of the creation. God is our Maker. We are made in His image of beauty, holiness, and love. It is those inner qualities that make us unique and lovely. I am beautiful because I belong to God and He created me to live and grow in His image. I am my beloved’s and He is mine. (Song of Songs 6:3)

3. I am God’s temple and His workmanship. Because the Holy Spirit lives in me and Christ bought my life with His, my responsibility is to live my life to the fullest with the priorities that God gave me. I’m to be healthy and balanced in my physical body. I’m to keep toxic things from entering my body. I’m to engage in pure relationships and to use my energy to serve God and please Him in everything I do. My life is a living sacrifice. (1 Cor. 3:16; Eph 2:10, Rom 12:1)

When we compare ourselves to ourselves we are not wise. I will never, ever, ever look like Heidi Klum. I could dye my hair, stop eating and exercise until the cows come home, have plastic surgery and buy all the right designer clothes. But in the very best case scenario, I am an imitation. God didn’t make me to look like her, did He? Or to have her talents, her family, her career, etc. I’m me. I was waiting for a friend in a medical office one day a few years ago and I was reading a magazine interview with Heidi Klum. Someone had written in asking if it was possible to look like her after having her own baby. I loved her answer. She said something like, be realistic. What did you look like before you got pregnant? Even she must know how genetically gifted she is to have had as many children as she’s had and still to be able to wear lingerie in public for a living. Dang!

This idea of looking to our appearance for our identity goes deeper than just our clothing or our physical bodies. You get that right? It’s about the effort we make to convince people of something by outward appearance that goes against the internal values God has for us to live out. It’s about faking competence instead of working hard. It’s about not revealing true feelings for fear of appearing overly emotional. It’s about internal dialog that tears others down because we see their outward appearance and judge their hearts.

It’s about completely realigning our priorities by embracing our identities in Christ.

Only when I am secure in who I was made to be can I release the pressure I put on myself and others to appear a certain way.

It may, in fact be better to look good than to feel good. But I believe God would have us be good – be good to each other, be good in our own skin b/c we’re loved and valued, and be good at living our lives with a focus on our hearts so that we please Him in everything we do.

Then, dahling, you will look mahvelous!

Twelve Stones

I have to tell you about a great book I've just read.

My friend wrote a memoir of her life and how God revealed Himself to her through remarkable circumstances.

It's called Twelve Stones and the author is Barbara Carole.

Recently I had Barbara to my home with five other women who had also read her book and we had the most vibrant and challenging conversations. We discussed how God meets us in our darkest seasons, how He brings people into our lives to teach us about Him and about ourselves, the value of being honest with our struggles before God and with each other, and different church traditions and what they offer those who are seeking God.

If you know people who are looking for spiritual connections in life or who are seeking God, but may not even be able to articulate the details of their journey, I would highly recommend this book. Although all the events in the book are true, it reads like a compelling novel. Intellect, experience, emotion, and heartache all lead Barbara to "the Source of love", God Himself.

Personally, I have enjoyed meeting and getting to know the author every bit as much as reading her story. Her faith is real and her heart is genuine. And I am always a fan of those who seek God and tell their stories authentically and articulately.

Barbara does both in Twelves Stones.

Read more about Barbara and her miraculous journey here:

http://www.barbaracarole.com/

"Your Majesty"

As I've been involved in a Bible study that's focused currently on God's holiness, I find there are examples of the concepts I'm learning everywhere. Does that happen to you, too? I see God's holiness all day long! But we've also had discussions about how to reconcile God's "otherness" - the separation of His holy character from ours - with the intimate knowledge and love He has for His children.

Is He to be feared or loved?

Can one do both?

How are we to approach this mighty and loving God and Father?

Recently my husband and I went to see The King's Speech with Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush. And in it there is one particular scene that has clarified this dichotomy for me in a powerful way. (If you haven't seen the movie, I promise I'm not giving anything away from the plot here.)

Moments after King George VI (formerly referred to as Bertie) has gone through the ceremonial Accession Council, wearing his full royal regalia, he greets his wife and daughters, who are playing in a hallway. There is a pregnant pause with significant looks communicating deep emotion between spouses who are now king and queen of the nation.

Then King George looks down at his daughters, who stop playing to look at him. The older sister, Elizabeth, leans toward her younger sister and whispers, "Curtsy". Both girls formally take hold of their identical dresses, nod their heads as they curtsy, and pronounce quietly and solemnly, "Your majesty".

With only slight hesitation, the king takes both girls in his arms and kisses them affectionately on the forehead, thereby firmly establishing his role as father as well as king.

This is our God!

He is high and lifted up. Sovereign on His throne in heaven as the angels sing, "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord, God Almighty. The earth is full of His glory!"

AND....

He searches and knows the depths of our hearts and minds for He created us in our mother's womb.

Our response to seeing Him in His holiness is to fall on our faces before such power and majesty.

His response is to accept our worship - for He alone is worthy - and to lift us up and love us as a Father loves His children.

He is my King.

He is my Father.

Thanks be to God!

Identity - Relationships

Premise: The quality of relationships in my life depends on my understanding and living out the identity I have in Christ.

As Galinda says of Elphaba in “Wicked”… “She had a mother. She had a father. As so many do…” Strictly biologically speaking, we are all daughters, born of the union of sperm and egg, entering this world at a time not of our choosing, into a family not of our choosing. You may have grown up with all kinds of issues with your parents – there may have been abuse, neglect, divorce, sickness, or just ordinary personality differences that made life in your house a particular challenge. Some of you may have spent your formative years in familial utopia, with parents who stayed married and didn’t get sick and die when you were young. You may have always known emotional and financial stability and enjoyed good communication with your parents. And every combination of these scenarios probably exists in this room. That’s life. God, in His sovereign wisdom, places us in the family He chooses for us and we grow up with the parents He ordained. That makes us, practically speaking, daughters.

I remember distinctly the day I officially became an adult daughter to my father. It happened in one conversation on the front porch of a house we were moving into. I was in my 30’s – late by many standards, I know. My dad had been frustrated at various parts of the day, including the fact that I was not completely packed and ready to move when he arrived that morning. Doubling his frustration was the fact that when we arrived at the new house, the former owner hadn’t moved out completely yet. Awkward. So, he sighed. A lot. And exhibited other behavior that let me know, without letting me know, that this did not work for him. So, like any mature, married adult with a child and a mortgage, I began to cry. Because my father wasn’t pleased with me. But instead of just crying, I told him that I was frustrated, too, and that I would love his help, but if he was going to act the way he was acting, I’d rather he left and I would figure out a way to do all of it myself. His demeanor changed immediately and that one conversation not only changed the day, it changed our relationship. Like I said, I became an adult to him that day.

The reason I’m telling you this story is because I believe it’s part of the process God wants to take us through to have a clear understanding of the importance of our relationship to Him and the relative importance of every other relationship. Let me show you something in Scripture. Look at these verses from Matthew 10. Here, Jesus is giving some perspective on relationships.

³⁴ “Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. ³⁵ For I have come to turn

“‘a man against his father, 


a daughter against her mother, 


a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law— 


³⁶ a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.’

³⁷ “Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; ³⁸ and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. ³⁹ Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

Why would Jesus make it sound as though we’re NOT to value relationships when so much of Scripture seems to put a high value on them? God is relationship. Why would He say that His purpose in coming was to bring a sword and that we’re not worthy of Him if we love our own parents too much? Is there something we’re not understanding? I have a feeling there is. And I have a suggestion in light of this topic.

What if Jesus wants us to so clearly and unmistakably identify with Him alone that even our parents and siblings - our very family of origin - will be less of an identification for us than He is? What if a relationship with Him – fully comprehending and surrendering to who He says we are – will transform our view of ourselves so radically that no other relationship will ever have such a strong influence in our lives again? And what if that’s meant to be a good thing? A liberating and empowering thing? But it’s not easy. It’s a constant battle between our old values and priorities and what Jesus is calling us to. So it doesn’t feel like peace, but a struggle.

Jesus is referencing verses in the Old Testament book of Micah that His listeners may have been familiar with. It’s referring to a time when God’s prophet is encouraging the people not to trust their neighbors or their families – just turn to and listen to God. And Jesus is saying something similar, I believe. Don’t allow yourselves to be defined by where you were born or who raised you. Let me completely redefine you in a way that only I can do because I created you.

Let’s look at a passage in the book of Ezekiel. It’s one of the most vivid books of the Bible in terms of imagery that God uses to capture the message Ezekiel has been commissioned to deliver. These verses in chapter 16 have to do with God choosing and loving the nation of Israel. And when God talks about His chosen people, we can draw analogies to our own lives since we are His chosen people because of what Jesus did. This is a picture of how God gives value and significance – and identity – to His own.

^“4 On the day you were born your cord was not cut, nor were you washed with water to make you clean, nor were you rubbed with salt or wrapped in cloths. ⁵ No one looked on you with pity or had compassion enough to do any of these things for you. Rather, you were thrown out into the open field, for on the day you were born you were despised.

⁶ “‘Then I passed by and saw you kicking about in your blood, and as you lay there in your blood I said to you, “Live!” ⁷ I made you grow like a plant of the field. You grew and developed and entered puberty. Your breasts had formed and your hair had grown, yet you were stark naked.

⁸ “‘Later I passed by, and when I looked at you and saw that you were old enough for love, I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your naked body. I gave you my solemn oath and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Sovereign LORD, and you became mine.

⁹ “‘I bathed you with water and washed the blood from you and put ointments on you. ¹⁰ I clothed you with an embroidered dress and put sandals of fine leather on you. I dressed you in fine linen and covered you with costly garments. ¹¹ I adorned you with jewelry: I put bracelets on your arms and a necklace around your neck, ¹² and I put a ring on your nose, earrings on your ears and a beautiful crown on your head. ¹³ So you were adorned with gold and silver; your clothes were of fine linen and costly fabric and embroidered cloth. Your food was honey, olive oil and the finest flour. You became very beautiful and rose to be a queen. ¹⁴ And your fame spread among the nations on account of your beauty, because the splendor I had given you made your beauty perfect, declares the Sovereign LORD. (Ezekiel 16:4-14)

God cared for His people. He cleansed them. He gave them love and beauty and value. He gave them life. They were lost and like everyone else, just trying to survive and make a name for themselves. But God made them unique and brought them into relationship with the Creator of the Universe. He does it for us, too. And just like the nation of Israel, we forget who we were created to be and who we were created for. And we take what He’s given us and pour it into other relationships before the one we have with Him. And then we depend on other people to give us value and beauty and significance and identity.

And just like we are daughters to our parents in a biological and practical sense, we are daughters and creations of our heavenly Father, and that identity must trump all others.

Let’s look again at parts of this passage in Ezekiel and see what God did for the Israelites in their wilderness and what God has done for us through Jesus.

1. God gives us life. This passage describes vividly the way God saved and gave life to His people, Israel. “⁶I passed by and saw you kicking about in your blood, and as you lay there in your blood I said to you, ‘Live!’” God completed the picture by sending a perfect sacrifice for our sin, as we lay dying and kicking in our wilderness. All of us, before our eyes are opened to the real gospel truth that we are sinners and enemies of God, try, in our own inadequate ways, to live our lives for ourselves. And we are just kicking about in our own blood. “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8) God gives us life.

2. God gives us love. In addition to saving Israel from destruction, God instituted a redeeming covenant of love as her identity. Look how it’s described by Ezekiel: “⁸Later I passed by, and when I looked at you and saw that you were old enough for love, I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness. I gave you my solemn oath and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Sovereign LORD, and you became mine”. You became mine. Covenant love. God took the initiative to love His people out of the abundance of His goodness, not because the nation of Israel – or we – deserve it or did anything to earn it. And He made the covenant complete by sacrificing His only Son to redeem us once and for all from sin and death. 1 John 3:1says, “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” When we are ready, in His perfect timing, God reveals Himself to us and brings people into our lives to refine us and give us opportunities to learn to love like He does. But we can only do that because of the way He loves. God gives us life and He gives us love.

3. God gives us beauty and value. The next few verses of this chapter in Ezekiel give us a lovely picture of the inestimable worth and incomparable beauty we have as daughters of God. ⁹ “‘I bathed you with water and washed the blood from you and put ointments on you. ¹⁰ I clothed you with an embroidered dress and put sandals of fine leather on you. I dressed you in fine linen and covered you with costly garments. ¹¹ I adorned you with jewelry: I put bracelets on your arms and a necklace around your neck, ¹² and I put a ring on your nose, earrings on your ears and a beautiful crown on your head. ¹³ So you were adorned with gold and silver; your clothes were of fine linen and costly fabric and embroidered cloth. Your food was honey, olive oil and the finest flour. You became very beautiful and rose to be a queen. ¹⁴ And your fame spread among the nations on account of your beauty, because the splendor I had given you made your beauty perfect, declares the Sovereign LORD. God covers our nakedness, giving us warmth and love in relationship, and then He gives us beautiful clothes to wear and jewels of great value. Costly garments and fine linen and embroidered cloth. Gold and silver and a beautiful crown. What lovely symbols of beauty and value for women who belong to a king! Paul told the Corinthian Christians that they had been bought at a price - Jesus. Jesus Himself told His disciples that they were worth more than many sparrows and that God knew them so intimately that even the hairs of their heads were numbered. Peter encouraged the women of his congregation not to depend on their outward beauty of clothing and jewelry to be beautiful. God alone has given us this beauty and inherent value because we belong to Him – not because of any outward adornment. In the context of the life and love God gives us, He gives us beauty and value.

So as daughters of a king who loves us and created us, we have a very solid identity. We have been given new life. We are loved perfectly. And we have profound beauty and value. All because of our relationship with God. And that relationship defines us more than any other. If we look at some of the other words in our identity puzzle – words like sister or friend – there are both practical and spiritual levels to them. If you are in a covenant relationship with Christ and are trusting Him alone for your strength and salvation, you are my sister. If you have siblings, you are also a sister. Several of you in here have relationships with each other that challenge and encourage – you are friends. The Bible also says we are friends with God because of Christ. But even the healthiest and most solid and noble relationships are imperfect because they’re between sinners. Those relationships will bring us great joy and heart-breaking disappointment. So will our relationship with God, if we’re honest with ourselves.

The difference is that our relationship with God, through Jesus, has only one sinner in it.

Me.

Because of Jesus I can come to God’s throne with confidence and approach Him as my Father. And that is the only identity that will never change. It’s who we are and what we live for. He’s the One who determines our priorities, soothes our broken hearts and allows us to soar with the eagles.

So how does that play out, practically speaking, in our lives?

• We examine our hearts. Psalm 139 ends with some dangerous, but liberating verses:

“Search me, O God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Ps. 139:23-24)

As we spend time seeking God’s truth and listening to His voice, He will reveal relationships that have too high a priority in our lives or ways in which we are using the life, love, beauty, and value He’s given us to build the wrong relationships. He will be clear and He will speak loving truth. We just need to be still and listen.

• We repent and surrender. Once God reveals Himself and His directives for our lives, we must respond. I recently had this experience as God revealed to me that I was placing too much emphasis on my relationship with my husband. He had become an idol to me as I was spending more of my time, emotion, and energy trying to win his approval and less of my time trying to pour into my relationship with God and the people He’d put into my life to teach them about Him. He reassured me that His love for me was secure and that His was the only relationship that mattered. Once I returned my primary focus to Him, the rest of my relationships began to fall into place.

• We learn and remind ourselves of truth. Once we’ve asked God to reveal the imbalance in our relationships and we turn from our wrong thinking and behaviors, we must be diligent in learning and remembering what God says is true. This happens by reading Scripture and listening to God on a consistent basis. He tells us and reminds us of who we are and how to cultivate relationships that bring Him glory. The sheet for tonight has several verses for a good start and your folders have many, many more.

Ultimately, as we serve a God of relationship who desires truth in our inmost parts, we can trust Him to reveal to us what we need to love Him better and improve our other relationships as well.

Listen to the words of C. S. Lewis as it relates to this topic:

“When I have learnt to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now. In so far as I learn to love my earthly dearest at the expense of God and instead of God, I shall be moving towards the state in which I shall not love my earthly dearest at all. When first things are put first, second things are not suppressed but increased.” (Letters of C. S. Lewis, 1966)

If we seek Him first, not forsaking our first love, He will add depth and joy to our other relationships as well because we can build those relationships out of the surplus of the God-confidence we have in our identities. I am free to give and not take when I’m sure of who I am. On the other hand, when we strive primarily after other relationships, allowing them to tell us who we are and what we’re worth, no one wins. There is no substitute for the foundation God has given us in Jesus Christ. We have been given life. We have been given love. And we have been given beauty and value. These can’t come from any other source but God. That’s why as we look for our identities, we need to stay focused on the ones that are true for eternity: We are accepted. Holy. Redeemed. Loved. Valued. Chosen.

In short, we are daughters of a king. That is our identity. So let’s remind ourselves and each other at every opportunity of the truth of who we are. We have been given life, love, beauty and value to live the lives He’s called us to live for Him. He is the King of kings and we are His daughters. You know what that makes you, don’t you? A princess! Yes! So wear that crown of jewels loud and proud! It represents your life in Christ. The love of your Father, the King. And the beauty and value He has given you because you are His. No other identity matters.