Over two hours in the dentist's chair today.

Awesome. (Another well-deserved shout out to Dr. Yang!)

I had a couple of crowns replaced, one of which was the right front tooth. It's been needing work for a while - 20+ years, to be exact - and today was the day.

Back in 4th grade I hit this tooth on the bottom of the swimming pool while trying to show off for a friend and do a smiling back flip under water. (I know. Whatever you're thinking, my mom has probably brought to my attention. And now that I'm a mother...well...)

Anyway, I lived most of my adolescence with this slightly shorter front tooth to tide me over until I could get a "grown-up" crown. One day, in Seymour, Indiana, between 1989 and 1991, I did just that.

And it was a fine tooth. Shiny porcelain that introduced my smile to many new acquaintances. But over time my gums receded, revealing the black metal beneath the porcelain at the gum line, and I couldn't bleach it like the rest of my teeth, so it took on a recent buttery shade. Considerably less attractive.

Today I got a new crown. It's temporary, but it's already so much better than my old one!

Before I could see this beauty, however, the old crown had to be sawed in pieces by a diamond drill and cracked off my real tooth, which was lurking beneath the surface.

What did that look like?

I should never have asked to see it.

Have you seen versions of Snow White's witch?

That's pretty close.

A short, narrow, brown stump is what I have for a front tooth in reality. It was horrifying. Like an Appalachian witchy woman, grinning over her cauldron at the entrance to her cave.

But that's my real tooth. This creamy white temporary crown isn't me. It's the beautiful cover my dentist put there.

A crown I couldn't have applied myself.

A crown that covers a rotting (or so it appeared), shriveled stump that has become useless and appalling.

"That's good to remember, when I'm tempted to get cocky about my beautiful smile!" I thought to myself, while admiring my new crown in the mirror this evening.

Then it occurred to me that this crown is just like what Jesus did for my sinful nature when He took my sin upon Himself on the cross.

He covered my sin with His spotless life. A beautiful crown, a white covering, a righteousness I did nothing to earn and couldn't possibly have provided for myself.

The prophet Isaiah said this:

“Come now, let us reason together,”
    says the Lord.
“Though your sins are like scarlet,
  they shall be as white as snow,
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool. (Isaiah 1:18)

Our sin has been washed away by the perfect sacrifice of Christ. We did nothing to earn it. We can't do anything to keep it. So I can be comfortable revealing my weaknesses and my sin because we all have it! Why would I pretend this beauty that covers me is mine?! 

I have a brown stump for a tooth, and I'm not ashamed to admit it! 

And I have a Savior who has washed away my sin and given me a righteousness I don't deserve. 

My sins were as scarlet; now they're as white as snow!

Thanks be to God, through Jesus Christ!

Fear and Splendor

While beginning another trek through the prophet Isaiah last week, I took note of some powerful imagery in chapter 2. Now, I like the major prophets as much as the next gal, but sometimes the fire and brimstone imagery is a bit of a downer, I find. This beginning section was no exception:

"Go into the rocks, 

hide in the ground

from the dread of the LORD

and the splendor of his majesty!" (Isaiah 2:10)

The updated version of the NIV says, "from the fearful presence of the LORD", and the ESV calls it "the terror of the LORD".

I couldn't help but wonder who these unfortunate people are who have to fear and hide from God. The heading of Isaiah 2:6-22 is "The Day of the LORD", which usually describes something pretty dramatic, if I understand a lot of the Bible right. But the stunning thing about this verse wasn't the specific dramatic imagery here as much as it was the exact repetition of the phrase again in verses 19 and 21. I wrote in the margin of verse 2, "You can't handle the power and beauty of God!" and I still think that's the case. Let's call that the Holy Spirit's primary revelation to me that morning. God is too much for mere mortals to comprehend. 

When I read the rest of chapter 2 and saw those aspects of fear and hiding repeated, God's Spirit started to reveal something else to me. Descriptions of those who are going to have to hide and fear the presence of the LORD are sprinkled throughout this chapter. They are "the proud and lofty", and those who "bow down to the work of their hands, to what their fingers have made". Umm... that's me, if I'm being completely honest. And other places in Scripture point to the fact that there will be those who experience God's wrath during the day of the LORD, at some point in the future. But I didn't feel threatened or afraid, despite my acute awareness of these shortcomings.

I relate to the places in Scripture that talk about longing to come into God's Presence, not running away from it. The spots that elicit joy and comfort in being with God, protected and loved. What's the difference?

This is when I had my epiphany.

I wrote in the margin after verse 21: "I want to stand in confident awe in your presence, Lord. To experience the dread of the Lord and the splendor of your majesty." I know my sin and that I'm not at all worthy to stand in God's presence on my own. But I read these verses and they are, in my life, inextricably linked with these:

"Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water." (Hebrews 10:19-21)

I can run to God and not from the terror of His presence because of Jesus!

I can "approach the throne of grace with confidence" (Heb. 4:16) because Jesus paid the price for my sin and took God's wrath from me onto Himself. I can draw near to God - not run from Him - because the blood of Jesus sprinkled our hearts and cleansed us from ALL unrighteousness, so we can have full assurance of faith, based on HIS work and righteousness, not our own. 

I can experience a balance of assurance and awe. Freedom and fear. 

Author Francis Chan says,  “...when we love God, we naturally run to Him-frequently and zealously."

I heard another author say something about our only refuge from God being in God. And I think the combination of these ideas, albeit somewhat counterintuitive, is right. Yes, a parent will discipline a child he loves and the child wants to run away from the discipline when he's disobeyed. But there is also great joy and safety in knowing that same parent will protect the child and provide for him with all his energy out of fierce love. 

It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God, says the author of Hebrews (10:31). Thanks be to God for Jesus Christ, who made a way for us to stand in His presence in full assurance of faith because of His great love and sacrifice. He has redeemed us from God's wrath and brought us into His family as sons and heirs.