Navigating Emotions

Are your emotions a distraction or a destination?

Do you find yourself not knowing what to do with emotions that overwhelm you without invitation or obvious provocation? Do you find yourself saying, "I don’t understand why I'm so mad for no apparent reason." Or, "Why am I feeling sad today?" Maybe it's hard to articulate what emotion you're feeling. If this is you, it may feel as if you're bobbing around in the stormy sea of emotions with no way to navigate or anchor yourself to find the truth of your situation because your emotions have you gasping for breath and trying to just stay functional amid the waves.

On the flip side, you may be so focused on an emotion or some sort of sensation as an end in itself that life seems pointless unless you are engulfed in some emotion or another. And it's not limited to just emotions, either. You may be driven by adrenaline, or drama in relationships, or a desperate need for attention, or the pleasure of buying something new, or having a massage, or reading a gripping romance novel. Feeling something is better than feeling nothing at all so the sensation becomes the goal. Or feeling something good that you can control is preferable to feeling something bad that you don’t want to deal with.

Here's an example of what life can look like when our take over:

Hope is Emo

So whether your feelings tend to be a distraction from the goals and purposes God has for you or if chasing some sort of emotion is a destination in and of itself, the Bible has something to say about how to navigate them and get God's perspective.

In 1 Kings 18, the prophet Elijah challenges the prophets of Baal to a spiritual showdown on Mount Carmel. He gathers all the people of Israel, the 450 prophets of Baal and 400 prophets of Asherah (cults of the time) and the challenge is laid out: Place a bull on a wood altar as an offering to each God and see which god answers by fire. Both altars and sacrifices are prepared and the prophets of Baal scream and dance and cut themselves all day long to no avail. Baal is conspicuously absent. Then Elijah has the men douse his offering and altar with water and Bam! The God of Israel ocnsumes the offering, the wood and all the water! The Elijah seizes and kills the prophets of Baal and runs for his life since Jezebel, the queen of Israel, wants to kill him.

In 1 Kings 19 we find a prophet who is worn out and depressed.

Now Ahab told Jezebel everything Elijah had done and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah to say, “May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them.”

Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day’s journey into the desert. He came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, LORD,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” Then he lay down under the tree and fell asleep.

All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.” He looked around, and there by his head was a cake of bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.

The angel of the LORD came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. ⁹ There he went into a cave and spent the night.

And the word of the LORD came to him: “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

He replied, “I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.”

The LORD said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.”

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

He replied, “I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.”

The LORD said to him, “Go back the way you came, and go to the Desert of Damascus. When you get there, anoint Hazael king over Aram. Also, anoint Jehu son of Nimshi king over Israel, and anoint Elisha son of Shaphat from Abel Meholah to succeed you as prophet. Jehu will put to death any who escape the sword of Hazael, and Elisha will put to death any who escape the sword of Jehu. Yet I reserve seven thousand in Israel—all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and all whose mouths have not kissed him.” (1 Kings 19:1-18)

What we see here is an example of depression brought on by circumstances, and the way Elijah and God work this out can teach us something about what I believe God wants us to know about our emotions and circumstances.

1. Never underestimate spiritual and physical aspects of your situation. Elijah had just been used by God in a mighty and dramatic way. And after the false prophets had been killed, 1 kings 18:46 says, “the power of the LORD came upon Elijah and, tucking his cloak into his belt, he ran ahead of Ahab all the way to Jezreel.” Mt. Carmel is a 1500 ft. plateau in the desert and Jezreel was a good 20 miles away. Then, when he heard Jezebel was after him he ran for his life another 100 miles. The power of the Lord was on him AND he was exhausted. Whether or not we’re proactively caring for ourselves spiritually, physically and emotionally, sometimes we get tired from living life. That’s when we need to be especially aware of our emotions. Look at how Elijah wants to deal with what he’s feeling in verse 4: he prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, LORD,” he said. “Take my life.” I’m so tired I could die. I’m sad. I’m overwhelmed. I’m being chased and I’m scared. We can do the same thing. Is this overwhelming emotion in response to lack of sleep? Bad nutrition? Not enough exercise? If we don’t care for the temple of the Holy Spirit, there will be consequences and some of them are emotional. For Elijah, it was the Lord who responded by addressing these physical needs before anything deeper. This leads us to our second observation...

2. We must go to God with our feelings. Elijah did and that’s key. I don’t know what’s going on here, Lord, but I’m done. I can’t process all this, I’m in despair, nothing makes sense, I’m feeling something but I don’t know what. Help. In addition to Elijah’s situation, the psalms are full of emotional pleas like this. Tears flood my bed at night. My heart is in anguish. Oh, how I rejoice in you! The spectrum of emotions is written in psalms. God is the author of our emotions and getting His perspective is crucial to dealing with them. And He is the only one in our lives who will completely understand us and never tire of us coming to Him and sharing our feelings. Once we go to God, we can expect Him to respond. Then we need to...

3. Listen to truth. Let’s compare Elijah’s take on his situation to God’s. In verses 13-18 Elijah is sure he’s the only one left who’s faithful to God so he’s feeling lonely and overwhelmed. A little righteous indignation, maybe. Frustration, I bet. Fear, for sure, knowing Jezebel is after him. And based on HIS perspective that’s understandable. Even after he’s rested and had food and water. But then God shows him what’s REALLY true and it allows Elijah to not only cope with his situation and emotions, but he goes on to anoint his protégé so they can both continue God’s work in Israel. How many times did I say to my mom as a kid, “nobody likes me”. If that was true I had every reason to cry. But the truth was that I had probably just made somebody mad by bossing them around and they didn’t want to play anymore! That’s a lot different than complete rejection by every kid in the neighborhood.

So we need to take into account our physical circumstances – not as an excuse, but as explanation – go to God with our feelings – honestly and as raw as that may be – and we need to listen to what’s true instead of continuing to believe whatever lie is taking root in our minds concerning our emotions. Accurately assessing our emotions and taking them to God is crucial in making them obedient to us and not the other way around.

Here’s a very handy verse for aligning ourselves to God’s perspective so our emotions are where they should be:

“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Cor. 10:5)

We must know and choose to believe the truth about who we are and who God is if we hope to live with emotions, but not controlled by them.

Jesus said, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6) And He also said that if you know the truth, the truth will set you free. Knowing Jesus is the only way to be free from anything else that threatens to control us in life, including the weight and power of our emotions. We can try and try to be better people, but the bottom line is that we all fall short and only Jesus makes a way for us to stand before God and receive what we need to have full lives. A relationship with Jesus is the beginning, middle and end of our lives. As God, He is the author of our emotions and as a human, He can sympathize fully with them.

So… we stay on track, navigating our emotions by sticking close to Jesus and knowing the truth of who He is and who we are. In addition, Jesus gave us the Holy Spirit to remind us of truth so we can navigate life. In John 14 and 16 Jesus spends time telling us what the Holy Spirit’s job is and part of that is to tell us truth. So when we feel overwhelmed by emotions or we see the negative consequences of letting our emotions dictate our behavior, the Holy Spirit will remind us of the truth of our circumstances.

Elijah looked at his circumstances and God dealt with them physically, but Elijah also poured his heart out to God and God responded with real truth. That can happen for us too. It’s not a formula to make sure we don’t have emotions; it's a GPS to find our way to true north – God’s Presence – and navigate around emotions so we don’t get off track from what God is calling us to. What’s this GPS? An acronym, you say? Why, yes, thank you. I happen to have one.

What if the way to navigate our out of control emotions could be guided by this principle?

God’s

Perspective is

Sovereign

In everything – not just our emotions – having God’s perspective by knowing His Son Jesus and the truth of Scripture and our circumstances as revealed by the Holy Spirit will guide us to a place in life where our emotions hold their proper place. We will be able to feel things without living in a constant state of being overwhelmed, and we can deal with our sadness, doubts, boredom and fear by going to the One who made us and who never gets tired of listening to us process what life throws at us. Since God’s Perspective is Sovereign, and so is He, we can trust Him to tell us the truth of our situation and to lead us toward emotional health.

God is the author of our feelings and He wants us to feel them; He just doesn’t want them to control us – that’s what HE wants to do. He made us in His image, which includes emotions so it’s part of our identity, but only a part.

Vincent Van Gogh once said, “Let's not forget that the little emotions are the great captains of our lives and we obey them without realizing it.”

And this from a Swedish man named Jonatan Mårtensson: “Feelings are much like waves, we can't stop them from coming but we can choose which one to surf.”

Battling Sloth

Many of us have heard lessons on the story of Mary and Martha when Jesus comes to dine at their house, and most people I know relate to Martha. She's the busy one. The one who resented her sister sitting at Jesus' feet and listening, nobly, to His teaching while she slaved over a meal for guests. "Martha, Martha", the Lord chides her affectionately. "Get over it," He seems to say. Not really, but you know. Martha's busy, but Mary is with Jesus. Being with Jesus is what matters, so don't get your knickers in a twist about the dirty dishes.

I don't get it.

I've never been a Martha. Never wanted to be. I've never been accused of being too busy or avoiding social settings by bussing tables or doing dishes. Nope. I want to sit down, be comfortable, eating and drinking and making merry, thank you very much. I used to think that I, like Mary, had chosen the one important thing: sitting. But, you see, that wasn't Jesus' point at all.

I've come to realize recently that I've been using my pride to disguise my sloth as "mary-ness". I've spent considerable time thinking that I'm rather spiritual in my pursuits and that I should let the less erudite among us take up the serving slack while I illuminate Scripture and enlighten the masses. Could you refill my coffee, please, while you're at it?

Nice.

But you know what God has shown me?

Laziness is a sin.

My laziness comes from a deep-seated selfishness and a potent priority for my own comfort. Not from a desire for fellowship and a hunger for God's truth to be revealed. It is counterintuitive to my nature to serve others. And there's nothing in that to take pride in, believe me.

But there is hope for me, my friends.

This past weekend I visited my brother-in-law and sister-in-law. My husband's parents were there, as well. Over the course of the past several weeks, I've been repeating a mantra to myself that I continued on the other side of the country: "Don't be lazy. Don't be lazy." Like a highly hormonal teenager fights lust, or the way an alcoholic fights the temptation to drink, I've been leaning into God for the strength to not give into my slothful tendencies so He can develop mature character in me.

This weekend He revealed plenty of opportunities for me to serve. And He revealed lots of times I was tempted to make a decision based on what was best for me. It felt like a sort of tug-of-war inside me. But what I discovered when I was honest about my desires and confessed my selfishness over and over was that His Spirit prompted me to do the dishes. Or hold the baby. Or unload groceries. Or pour a glass of milk. Or make some coffee. Gestures that never would have occurred to me on my own were revealed as an opportunity to trust God to make me into the kind of woman He wants me to be. And most exciting of all - there was joy and satisfaction in it!

So while I was dismayed by the realization that I am, in fact, slothful and selfish by nature, I also realized that God loves me anyway and wants to change me. Thanks be to God! I can't do that myself. If left to my own devices, I will always choose my own comfort and ease. My comfort is my idol. And God wants to change that. As discouraging as it is initially to name my sin and see it for what it is, it's equally encouraging to see God working in me, through the transforming power of the Holy Spirit, to eradicate my old nature and replace it with His.

And I want to change. I want it desperately. So I will choose to serve others and walk into the life He has for me by obedience. And I will trust Him to do what only He can do in my life to make me into the person He created me to be when He knit me together in my mother's womb. And when I fail, I will call it what it is. Sloth. Selfishness. Pride. And I will be reminded that it is only by God's grace that I can call Him Abba, Father. I'm not such a great prize, but He is. And He has redeemed even my most despicable moments and moods for His glory.