"Danse Macabre"

I came across a college journal of mine today from a writing class I had at Indiana University. It was fascinating to be reminded of who I knew, what was important to me, and what thoughts I deemed significant to record. I sure wasn't a very good writer.

This is an entry from February 25, 1986 about a piece I still love today, called "Danse Macabre" by French composer Camille Saint-Saëns. With today's technology, you can listen to the piece and read about my 19-year-old impressions of it.

Enjoy!

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"Danse Macabre" by Saint-Saëns is eerie and kind of scary, but it is also playful in parts. The crescendo of strings and timpani are wind in a moonlit cemetery. the flutes and xylophone are skeletons dancing among tilted headstones and dead leaves. As the brass instruments sing a forceful melody, louder and stronger, the cymbals crash and the dance intensifies. The, suddenly, the oboe crows the dawn and a solo violin sighs and cries the end of the dance.

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("Danse Macabre" performed by the Philadelphia Orchestra)

U2

During our family vacation this year we visited the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum in Cleveland, OH. We saw Elvis and David Bowie costumes, footage of Woodstock, and some awesome information about the kinds of music that influenced rock and roll back in the day.

The experience we were most excited about was the U2 3D movie. We had no idea what to expect, but it's one band the whole family likes, and a friend of mine had suggested it. She likes them a whole lot.

After a moment or two of grinning at each other with our 3D glasses on, the movie began. We saw a girl running, the sound of her breathing and heartbeat loud in our ears. We heard background noise of cheering and screaming. The anticipation was building. Within minutes, this running girl was joined by what must have been tens of thousands of U2 fans chanting and jumping in anticipation of the concert about to begin.

When the four icons who make up U2 took the stage the noise was deafening. And with those 3D glasses, it really did seem like Bono was leaning right toward me! While I loved watching these talented guys do their thing, what fascinated me was the crowd. The concert was in Buenos Aires, so I'm not sure how many of the audience members spoke English, but they knew every word to every song from every album in the set. They were on each other's shoulders, shouting, eyes closed, hands raised.

They were worshiping.

The realization was astonishing.

Did it just look like worship based on what I've seen in churches I've attended? Were these kids (and I know that makes me sound old, but there weren't a lot of 40-somethings in these shots...) being swept up in the emotion and experience of something larger than themselves? Had they lost themselves in the music? Were they transported to another sense of being? Had the musicians on the stage captured their hearts in such a way that the only thing for them to do was surrender to the encounter with their bodies?

The lyrics of some U2 songs are downright spiritual, and I know some of the band members have a connection to God that fuels their musical creativity. But what or whom were these singing, crying, arm-waving fans worshiping?

And why do documentaries and individuals love to mock the same behavior when it's in church, directed at the Creator of the universe?

The image and the subsequent thoughts have stuck with me for weeks, as I've realized how legitimate a visceral, overwhelming, and spiritual experience worship can be. But the scary thing is that we were meant for that with God and it's so easy to fall into counterfeit worship of things and people.

I'm not suggesting that all the audience members at this concert were idolators, elevating Bono and his crew to the level of gods. I am suggesting that our emotions can get the best of us and we should be careful to be sure we only give our emotions to the best.

That's Jesus, in case I haven't been clear.

He is the only One worthy of our praise, and we can be completely uninhibited in our worship of Him.

What God does or who He is?

I came across this quote in a book I’m reading and it’s stuck with me in the way the Holy Spirit’s conviction does.

“We must decide if we are going to put our faith in what God does or in who God is.” (Pete Wilson, “Plan B”)

It’s always a tricky balance, I think. Do I just want a story to tell or do I want an encounter with God? Do I pray for His blessing but miss out on His Presence? Am I disappointed in circumstances or thankful for His comfort and guidance? Am I concerned with God’s will for my life or simply God’s will?

Then, wouldn’t you know it, I was reading my Bible this morning and this story underscored the issue:

⁹Now for some time a man named Simon had practiced sorcery in the city and amazed all the people of Samaria. He boasted that he was someone great, ¹⁰and all the people, both high and low, gave him their attention and exclaimed, "This man is the divine power known as the Great Power." ¹¹They followed him because he had amazed them for a long time with his magic. ¹²But when they believed Philip as he preached the good news of the kingdom of God and the name of Jesus Christ, they were baptized, both men and women. ¹³Simon himself believed and was baptized. And he followed Philip everywhere, astonished by the great signs and miracles he saw.

¹⁴When the apostles in Jerusalem heard that Samaria had accepted the word of God, they sent Peter and John to them. ¹⁵When they arrived, they prayed for them that they might receive the Holy Spirit, ¹⁶because the Holy Spirit had not yet come upon any of them; they had simply been baptized into the name of the Lord Jesus. ¹⁷Then Peter and John placed their hands on them, and they received the Holy Spirit.

¹⁸When Simon saw that the Spirit was given at the laying on of the apostles' hands, he offered them money ¹⁹and said, "Give me also this ability so that everyone on whom I lay my hands may receive the Holy Spirit."

²⁰Peter answered: "May your money perish with you, because you thought you could buy the gift of God with money! ²¹You have no part or share in this ministry, because your heart is not right before God. ²²Repent of this wickedness and pray to the Lord. Perhaps he will forgive you for having such a thought in your heart. ²³For I see that you are full of bitterness and captive to sin."

²⁴Then Simon answered, "Pray to the Lord for me so that nothing you have said may happen to me."

²⁵When they had testified and proclaimed the word of the Lord, Peter and John returned to Jerusalem, preaching the gospel in many Samaritan villages. (Acts 8:9-25)

It seems that Simon trying to mix his before and after lives instead of dying to his old life and embracing the new life in Christ he’s been offered. Trying to have the best of both worlds, if you will. Maybe he doesn’t fully understand what it is to walk with Christ and know Him and love Him.

Do I?

It’s a powerful reminder that God is God and He Himself is the prize.

He is my portion and He is sufficient.

Instead, I want to live Paul’s philosophy found in Philippians 3:8

“…I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things.”

I pray that I would always seek God’s face and not just His hand in my life.

That He would be real to me in such a way that I am constantly aware of His Presence and power, regardless of my circumstances.

Preaching or Serving

Do you know what you were born to do? I mean, have you been in the zone, found that sweet spot of activity or service or ministry that you know God wired you for? It’s energizing and effective; you see it around you and can’t wait for the next opportunity to be there.

Conversely have you labored in an area, at work or at church, that drains you and saps your energy so completely that you know it’s no good for anybody else, either?

There are jobs that simply must be done. That’s life. I don’t feel particularly gifted in cooking or pulling weeds or folding laundry, but what kind of a home would we live in if I didn’t do them simply because I’m not thrilled by them? However, if each of us could know what we do best and what we thrive doing, wouldn’t everyone be better off if we leaned into those activities more and merely did damage control in the others, serving where necessary out of love and motivated by a pure heart, keeping the big Kingdom picture in mind?

The books of Acts depicts many scenes of great community living, not the least of which is this passage, describing some amazing Spirit-led delegation:

1In those days when the number of disciples was increasing, the Grecian Jews among them complained against the Hebraic Jews because their widows were being overlooked in the daily distribution of food. 2So the Twelve gathered all the disciples together and said, "It would not be right for us to neglect the ministry of the word of God in order to wait on tables. 3Brothers, choose seven men from among you who are known to be full of the Spirit and wisdom. We will turn this responsibility over to them 4and will give our attention to prayer and the ministry of the word."
5This proposal pleased the whole group. They chose Stephen, a man full of faith and of the Holy Spirit; also Philip, Procorus, Nicanor, Timon, Parmenas, and Nicolas from Antioch, a convert to Judaism. 6They presented these men to the apostles, who prayed and laid their hands on them.
7So the word of God spread. The number of disciples in Jerusalem increased rapidly, and a large number of priests became obedient to the faith. (Acts 6:1-7)
What’s going on here?

1. God is already moving among the believers. Disciples were increasing and spiritual growth only happens at the Holy Spirit’s initiative. There is momentum here as lives are being changed because of the gospel. Everyone involved here had the choice to go along for the ride or step out of the way.

2. Legitimate needs were not being met and there was potential for division. Let’s face it, it doesn’t take much to cause factions or ruffled feathers, even among the most spiritual church family. We’ve all heard stories of churches that have split over whether or not people should clap hands during worship, what kind of carpet should be installed, and who should be allowed to teach up front on Sunday. In the case of the early church, widows of non-Jewish background weren’t being fed and they were depending on the community of believers to provide for them. So not only were people going hungry, there was a potential problem between former Jews and Greeks if this issue of disparate caring was not addressed.

3. The original disciples were hesitant to stop preaching the Word of God. The Twelve, as they were known, had been teaching that the awaited Messiah had come, been crucified, and rose from the dead for the forgiveness of our sins, and they were seeing people’s lives changed because the Holy Spirit was convicting and turning hearts. They were very sure that God had called them, as eyewitnesses of Christ’s ministry, to keep doing what He had called and prepared them to do. They recognized the needs of the church, but didn’t think they were the only ones to fulfill them. Not that the tasks at hand were beneath them, they just knew they weren’t called to do them.

4. The Twelve delegated others to choose men to take care of the problem. Verse 3 gives the criteria: These men had to be full of the Holy Spirit and full of wisdom. They didn’t just pick anybody to put on an apron and start serving meals. (Personally, I’ve been to some restaurants where this is the reigning philosophy in hiring and training. Not the best service or attitudes I’ve encountered in my dining experience. But I digress.) They recognized that all ministry – ALL ministry – is led by and empowered by the Holy Spirit so spiritually mature people must be in charge.

5. Once the men were chosen, the leaders laid hands on them and prayed for them. In kingdom work, there are no menial tasks so the leadership in this community took seriously the service that these new ministers were about to undertake. The beginning of a ministry means something and launching people into God’s service can be a powerful and unifying experience for the community of faith.

6. Others were blessed by the efficient delegation of ministries. Look at the results of everyone doing what they were called to do! The number of disciples increased and formerly wayward or ignorant priests fell in line with gospel obedience! Not to mention that the ones preaching would have felt (and truly been) liberated to preach, preach, preach and the widows weren’t hungry anymore. Everybody won in this scenario.

So what does that mean for us? Are any parallels emerging for you yet?

Ultimately, the picture here is of a church dedicated, above all, to the singular purposes of God’s kingdom and His priorities. When there was an issue, someone brought it to the attention of the leaders, and they took care of it before the rumor mill or the momentum of bitterness could begin. Once God’s servants had been given their marching orders, everyone grew and experienced more of God.

When each of us listens to God and uses the gifts He’s given us, the world is changed! I don’t think I’m overstating this point, either. The world may be changed one neighbor or colleague or friend at a time, but neighbors make up cities, and colleagues make up businesses, and friends make up… well, everything!

It starts with listening to God and knowing how He has created us, uniquely, wonderfully, and fearfully. Then we can test the waters of ministry to see exactly where our gifts, skills, and talents can be best put to use for the kingdom. There are few things more invigorating than saying “no” to something because you have already passionately said “yes”. When we are operating with all engines firing, guided by the Holy Spirit, there is no limit to what God will accomplish! Where are you meant to be?




• Read 1 Corinthians 12. Do you see yourself or your gifts described here? If so, how are you using that gift? If not, what steps can you take to discover it?



• What are the purposes and motivation of using our talents, based on 1 Corinthians 12 and this passage from Acts?

• Is it hard for you to tell people “no”? Why? How could understanding this concept of gifts help you?

Conversation With a Soldier

I sat next to an army soldier on my last airline flight and our 4-hour conversation has been stuck in my head ever since, kind of haunting me. One of those incidents that proves God is busy arranging our schedules despite our best efforts to organize them ourselves.

My new friend had just spent 24 hours at home with his mother in St. Louis after 7 months in Afghanistan. He was dressed in uniform and thrilled to be heading to Seattle to spend a few days with friends before going back to his duties in the field for 3 more months. I'd never had the opportunity to spend so much time with an active duty soldier so I must have seemed quite enthusiastic. The image of children rushing into the arms of fathers coming home from war or men in dress blues surprising fiancées or saying good-bye to friends and family in the airports has always brought a lump to my throat, but one-on-one interaction? This was a first.

Our conversation started with how the war is going. It then led to stories, pictures, and even a video on his laptop of an I.E.D. exploding in front of the vehicle they were driving. I got to hear about one particular soldier who has such a knack for doing what he does in the army that he will probably be hard pressed to find a suitable profession back here as a civilian. Turns out he's an excellent killer.

When I told my new friend that I would love to know how I can be praying for him and the 75 men under his command, he was quick to respond with their information and specific prayer requests, which I wrote in my prayer journal. Once he saw the Jesus fish tattoo on my ankle our conversation turned to more spiritual topics. God. Fear. Pornography. Homosexuality. The more we talked, the more our views diverged, but I was fascinated.

He asked me if Jesus were walking the earth today, where did I think He would be spending His time. I told him I thought He'd be holding hands of those dying from AIDS, or feeding homeless guys at the Union Gospel Mission, or having beers with guys in the Rollin' Log Tavern. That answer seemed to please him. You see, my new friend doesn't actually believe in God, but the idea of Jesus hanging out with guys like him was very appealing.

It's appealing to me, too.

And as a girl who sometimes thinks boys are yucky, 75 of them in the middle of the desert without the means to go metrosexual is not my idea of pleasant. But during the entire length of my conversation with this soldier, I kept sensing God's overwhelming love for him and the guys he serves with. And I was overwhelmed with gratitude for what they're doing so I can live such a comfortable and safe life here.

And I wondered if I had represented Jesus well in our conversation.

Or in my life.

He said I seemed like a "genuine person" and "not too judgmental" for a church lady. Should I be glad? Is there more?

I've been praying for those guys for days now, trying to find specific Scripture to pray for them and to get my head around what life is like for them day to day. It's all part of the journey God has me on and I'm learning to embrace it fully as I go.

Coming soon...

I have been on a 4-week vacation with our family and I will be posting lots of thoughts and experiences soon. Stay tuned.....

Running from God

In the Pixar movie Finding Nemo, Marlin, Nemo's father, and Dory, a fish with short-term memory loss, get trapped in the mouth of a whale when they happen to be swimming with some krill. Fortuitously, Dory speaks whale and can communicate with their host, who eventually instructs them to let go of his taste buds so they can be expelled through the whale's blowhole. (Yes, I know this is anatomically incorrect, but Pixar undoubtedly used poetic license to make a dramatic scene.)

The connection to the Old Testament prophet Jonah isn't hard to see, albeit with some pretty significant discrepancies, not the least of which is that poor Jonah has to spend three days in the belly of a giant fish - just enough time for him to have a bit of spiritual lucidity and write out some heart-wrenching, honest lines of Scripture that echo feelings we all have in times of despair, as we cry out to God.

Most of us are familiar with the story of Jonah being swallowed by a big fish and being vomited out on the shore so he could preach to Nineveh, aren't we? It's a short book - only four chapters - and I've read it many times. But like so many other topics and stories in Scripture, Jonah's story is sitting differently with me this time based on conversations I've been having with God and with other people. And the questions I keep asking myself are these:

Why exactly did Jonah run away from God?

Why do I run away from God?

First, a little background on the life and times of the prophet Jonah. Well, very little on his life, since no one seems to know much about him except that his father's name was Amittai. He makes a brief, one-verse appearance in 2 Kings 14:25, which mentions a prophecy he made under the reign of King Jeroboam II, but other than that, we really only know Jonah because of his eponymous book in the Old Testament, which was written sometime between 780 and 750 B.C.

Nineveh was the capital of the nation of Assyria and they were known for their cruelty and oppression toward enemies. So it's not surprising that Jonah would resist God's call to go to them and preach, even though God's directions were to "preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me". (Jonah 1:2) Assyria's number was up and Jonah was God's pick to tell them the bad news. The only thing is, if you know the story (spoiler alert...), you know that the Ninevites repented and God's compassion won the day. Not long term (Have a look at the book of Nahum, written 100 years later.), but for the time being.

It's not hard to follow Jonah's fluctuating faith by his actions throughout his brief book, but the underlying motivation is harder to pinpoint. I find the same to be true in my life.

Here's the action: "But Jonah ran away from the LORD". (Jonah 1:3) He bought a ticket on a boat and went the opposite direction "to flee from the LORD." (1:3) The description isn't subtle and there's no attempt to give it some religious veneer or the appearance of obedience. God said, "Go!" Jonah said, "No!"

God didn't tell Jonah what the outcome would be and He doesn't make any guarantees when He gives us instructions to follow, either. When God and Abram began their journey together in Genesis, God only told him, "leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you". (Genesis 12:1) No coordinates. No landmarks. Just an edict to leave and start traveling. The rest is part of the faith Abraham (name change later in Genesis) is lauded for in the rest of the Bible. That faith is what God wants to cultivate in us, too. By unveiling His plans for us one step at a time.

But Jonah didn't have that kind of faith in the moment when God initiated contact. And without it, it's easy to run.

But why? Is it fear? If so, fear of God or fear of others? Was Jonah afraid of God's power in his own life or of the journey he was about to take if he obeyed? Was his fear based on the brutal reputation of the Assyrians since he was a member of an inferior nation? Or, as the later chapters of Jonah's book may reveal, was he afraid that God's judgment wouldn't be harsh enough and he wanted the Assyrians to suffer?

I relate to all possibilities. Sometimes I run from God because I'm afraid of the magnitude of the task before me once He reveals it. I forget that He is the one who will equip me if He is the one who calls me. But in my finite mind it is too daunting. Too complicated. Too uncomfortable. I can't conquer this, I say to God. I want to cling to this sin (or insecurity, or false notion, or relationship, or the status quo, etc.) so I refuse to listen to you. I'm happy where I am and change is too hard. So I run from Him.

I also can relate to Jonah's fear of other people. Especially if they're big, bad and mean like the Assyrians were. God may be calling me to a part of His kingdom work, but if there are looming obstacles in my way in the form of people poking at my insecurities or making life difficult, I will be sorely tempted to protectively carry my fragile ego to a place where I won't be needled by God's voice. I will choose my flavor of security instead, thank you very much. So I run from Him.

And I am embarrassed by how closely I feel linked to Jonah's fear that God wouldn't make the wretched sinners pay. What if God's grace really does apply to them, and not just me? Then I'm not as righteous as I think I am, am I? How dare God extend the same mercy and compassion to those who aren't as devoted and obedient as I am? How will I carry on if my theology is compromised by actually seeing God do something I don't understand? Tsk, tsk. My heart is so tiny sometimes. It wasn't just the Jews of the Old Testament who thought God's favor rested solely on them. I do it, too. Somehow I live as if I can earn the blessings in my life and cause God's love for me to grow, while secretly smiling that others aren't seeing the light so I can justify my own position with God. So I run from Him.

I'm not saying Jonah was right to give into his fear and run. I'm just saying I get it. In lots of subtle ways. Jonah's flight just might have been easier to see because it was physical, whereas mine is often mental or emotional. And fleeing affects my faith and makes an impact on the lives of the people around me. Just like Jonah's attempt to escape God's calling put the sailors' lives in danger until he recognized the connection between his disobedience and the ship's precarious position.

Why do I run from God? Why do I resist hearing His voice when I know that it's only in connection to Him that I find life? His call may be difficult. It may be complicated. It may involve change or even sacrifice in parts of my life that I love. But when I live in obedience the path of communication and understanding is wide open for me to run to Him and find forgiveness, comfort, and guidance when I need it. When I'm deep in the belly of the beast. When the light is gone and I'm afraid for my life. When the waves sweep over me and seaweed is wrapped around my head, I will look to my God and find refuge.

Lord, build my faith and draw me into your presence. Give me strength to conquer my fear of you and help me trust your plan for me so that I won't run from you. I want to run toward you. Amen.

• Read the book of Jonah. What attributes of God do you see in this story that are comforting? Which ones are harder to make peace with? Why?

• Read Jonah 1:9. How do you reconcile Jonah's identification as a Hebrew and a worshipper of God, even though he was living in blatant disobedience? It's more common than you think. How do we justify living in disobedience while still claiming to worship God? Are the two even incompatible?

• What do you think causes Jonah's faith and obedience to ebb and flow throughout this account? He realizes he's the cause of the storm, so he has the sailors toss him over. Then he utters some raw and powerful truth in the belly of the fish. At the end, he's mad at God again. What gives? Do you relate?