Battling Sloth

Many of us have heard lessons on the story of Mary and Martha when Jesus comes to dine at their house, and most people I know relate to Martha. She's the busy one. The one who resented her sister sitting at Jesus' feet and listening, nobly, to His teaching while she slaved over a meal for guests. "Martha, Martha", the Lord chides her affectionately. "Get over it," He seems to say. Not really, but you know. Martha's busy, but Mary is with Jesus. Being with Jesus is what matters, so don't get your knickers in a twist about the dirty dishes.

I don't get it.

I've never been a Martha. Never wanted to be. I've never been accused of being too busy or avoiding social settings by bussing tables or doing dishes. Nope. I want to sit down, be comfortable, eating and drinking and making merry, thank you very much. I used to think that I, like Mary, had chosen the one important thing: sitting. But, you see, that wasn't Jesus' point at all.

I've come to realize recently that I've been using my pride to disguise my sloth as "mary-ness". I've spent considerable time thinking that I'm rather spiritual in my pursuits and that I should let the less erudite among us take up the serving slack while I illuminate Scripture and enlighten the masses. Could you refill my coffee, please, while you're at it?

Nice.

But you know what God has shown me?

Laziness is a sin.

My laziness comes from a deep-seated selfishness and a potent priority for my own comfort. Not from a desire for fellowship and a hunger for God's truth to be revealed. It is counterintuitive to my nature to serve others. And there's nothing in that to take pride in, believe me.

But there is hope for me, my friends.

This past weekend I visited my brother-in-law and sister-in-law. My husband's parents were there, as well. Over the course of the past several weeks, I've been repeating a mantra to myself that I continued on the other side of the country: "Don't be lazy. Don't be lazy." Like a highly hormonal teenager fights lust, or the way an alcoholic fights the temptation to drink, I've been leaning into God for the strength to not give into my slothful tendencies so He can develop mature character in me.

This weekend He revealed plenty of opportunities for me to serve. And He revealed lots of times I was tempted to make a decision based on what was best for me. It felt like a sort of tug-of-war inside me. But what I discovered when I was honest about my desires and confessed my selfishness over and over was that His Spirit prompted me to do the dishes. Or hold the baby. Or unload groceries. Or pour a glass of milk. Or make some coffee. Gestures that never would have occurred to me on my own were revealed as an opportunity to trust God to make me into the kind of woman He wants me to be. And most exciting of all - there was joy and satisfaction in it!

So while I was dismayed by the realization that I am, in fact, slothful and selfish by nature, I also realized that God loves me anyway and wants to change me. Thanks be to God! I can't do that myself. If left to my own devices, I will always choose my own comfort and ease. My comfort is my idol. And God wants to change that. As discouraging as it is initially to name my sin and see it for what it is, it's equally encouraging to see God working in me, through the transforming power of the Holy Spirit, to eradicate my old nature and replace it with His.

And I want to change. I want it desperately. So I will choose to serve others and walk into the life He has for me by obedience. And I will trust Him to do what only He can do in my life to make me into the person He created me to be when He knit me together in my mother's womb. And when I fail, I will call it what it is. Sloth. Selfishness. Pride. And I will be reminded that it is only by God's grace that I can call Him Abba, Father. I'm not such a great prize, but He is. And He has redeemed even my most despicable moments and moods for His glory.