Hagar

If you have been to marriage counseling - or any type of relationship intervention - you may be familiar with the following sentiments. Years ago, when my husband and I spent some time "working out the kinks" in our marriage (read: desperately trying to salvage it), I remember the hope of the initial visits. Finally, I would think to myself, I will have someone to tell him what he needs to do to get this relationship back on track. I've been doing all the work for too long. (You see where this is going, don't you?)

Wasn't I surprised when the first several sessions included only homework for me! What? How was that possible when all the problems were his fault? My indignation was strong and it took a strong and loving God to convict me over the years of taking responsibility for my own contributions to our dysfunction. And I'm grateful that He is still working on me.

Recently, when reading the story of poor Hagar and her son Ishmael, I discovered a new kinship with the wandering Egyptian servant. Let me remind you of her story:

Now Sarai, Abram's wife, had borne him no children. But she had an Egyptian maidservant named Hagar; so she said to Abram, "The LORD has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my maidservant; perhaps I can build a family through her."
Abram agreed to what Sarai said. So after Abram had been living in Canaan ten years, Sarai his wife took her Egyptian maidservant Hagar and gave her to her husband to be his wife. He slept with Hagar, and she conceived.
When she knew she was pregnant, she began to despise her mistress. Then Sarai said to Abram, "You are responsible for the wrong I am suffering. I put my servant in your arms, and now that she knows she is pregnant, she despises me. May the LORD judge between you and me.

"Your servant is in your hands," Abram said. "Do with her whatever you think best." Then Sarai mistreated Hagar; so she fled from her.

The angel of the LORD found Hagar near a spring in the desert; it was the spring that is beside the road to Shur. And he said, "Hagar, servant of Sarai, where have you come from, and where are you going?"
"I'm running away from my mistress Sarai," she answered.

Then the angel of the LORD told her, "Go back to your mistress and submit to her." The angel added, "I will so increase your descendants that they will be too numerous to count."

The angel of the LORD also said to her:
"You are now with child
and you will have a son.
You shall name him Ishmael,
for the LORD has heard of your misery.

He will be a wild donkey of a man;
his hand will be against everyone
and everyone's hand against him,
and he will live in hostility
toward all his brothers."

She gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: "You are the God who sees me," for she said, "I have now seen the One who sees me." That is why the well was called Beer Lahai Roi; it is still there, between Kadesh and Bered.

So Hagar bore Abram a son, and Abram gave the name Ishmael to the son she had borne. Abram was eighty-six years old when Hagar bore him Ishmael. (Genesis 16)

Poor Hagar. Mistreated. Given and used like property. Surrounded by and victim of quarreling and frustrated spouses. And pregnant.

She runs away to escape her crazy mistress - the one who got her into her situation in the first place - and God finds her. Isn't that His way? Finding us when we're on the run, hiding from our feelings or circumstances? Even when we don't know to run to Him, He comes to us, asking us probing, invasive questions about our situation, knowing that our answers are more for us to articulate our inner struggle than for His information.

So, Hagar is on the run from Sarai, who has cast blame on everyone in this situation she can for her frustrating plight: Abram, Hagar, in her mind, I'm sure, God Himself. And Hagar is merely a pawn. A pregnant pawn with nowhere to go. And God comforts her with the prophecy about her son. She needs that comfort because He has just told her how to deal with her sadness and desperation: Go back to your mistress and submit to her.

What?! This cannot be what Hagar expected or wanted to hear. No, Lord. You must have missed the part where she abused me. Well, that's where I would go. I have gone there. But why can Hagar accept and respond the way she does? I see a couple of attributes in her that stir my heart.

1. She was a servant. Over and over again Hagar is described as a maidservant or a servant to Sarai. And what do servants do? They submit. When we enter into a relationship with God through the atoning work of His Son Jesus, He is not just our Savior; He needs to be LORD. That means we submit. I am the creation of the Most High God, who is sovereign in the universe and in my life. He gets to do what He chooses because He is God. And sometimes He is going to do something in my life that will build my character and prepare me for a future only He sees. I am His servant. So I need to listen and respond.

2. She experienced God. In verse 13 Hagar gives God a name: The God who sees me. Like Hagar, I have received words from God that I didn't expect or want to hear, but spending the time with the One who made me and loves me, hearing His voice and being in His presence, not only gives me the strength of conviction to carry out His directives, it is its own reward! Hagar had to swallow her bruised pride and go back and submit to the one who had mistreated her. But now she knew God and that was everything!

What wounds are you nursing currently? Hurt feelings? Betrayal? Dysfunctional relationship? Shattered ego? What difference could it make in our lives if we remembered that we are servants of our Sovereign Lord and that our highest priority is to be with Him? Would the rest work itself out for His glory? Yeah, I think so, too.

• Can Jesus be our Savior but not be our Lord? What's the difference?

• Are you currently struggling with a relationship that seems lopsided or less than healthy in some way? What might God be asking you to change in order to bring Him glory in that relationship?