Running from God

In the Pixar movie Finding Nemo, Marlin, Nemo's father, and Dory, a fish with short-term memory loss, get trapped in the mouth of a whale when they happen to be swimming with some krill. Fortuitously, Dory speaks whale and can communicate with their host, who eventually instructs them to let go of his taste buds so they can be expelled through the whale's blowhole. (Yes, I know this is anatomically incorrect, but Pixar undoubtedly used poetic license to make a dramatic scene.)

The connection to the Old Testament prophet Jonah isn't hard to see, albeit with some pretty significant discrepancies, not the least of which is that poor Jonah has to spend three days in the belly of a giant fish - just enough time for him to have a bit of spiritual lucidity and write out some heart-wrenching, honest lines of Scripture that echo feelings we all have in times of despair, as we cry out to God.

Most of us are familiar with the story of Jonah being swallowed by a big fish and being vomited out on the shore so he could preach to Nineveh, aren't we? It's a short book - only four chapters - and I've read it many times. But like so many other topics and stories in Scripture, Jonah's story is sitting differently with me this time based on conversations I've been having with God and with other people. And the questions I keep asking myself are these:

Why exactly did Jonah run away from God?

Why do I run away from God?

First, a little background on the life and times of the prophet Jonah. Well, very little on his life, since no one seems to know much about him except that his father's name was Amittai. He makes a brief, one-verse appearance in 2 Kings 14:25, which mentions a prophecy he made under the reign of King Jeroboam II, but other than that, we really only know Jonah because of his eponymous book in the Old Testament, which was written sometime between 780 and 750 B.C.

Nineveh was the capital of the nation of Assyria and they were known for their cruelty and oppression toward enemies. So it's not surprising that Jonah would resist God's call to go to them and preach, even though God's directions were to "preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me". (Jonah 1:2) Assyria's number was up and Jonah was God's pick to tell them the bad news. The only thing is, if you know the story (spoiler alert...), you know that the Ninevites repented and God's compassion won the day. Not long term (Have a look at the book of Nahum, written 100 years later.), but for the time being.

It's not hard to follow Jonah's fluctuating faith by his actions throughout his brief book, but the underlying motivation is harder to pinpoint. I find the same to be true in my life.

Here's the action: "But Jonah ran away from the LORD". (Jonah 1:3) He bought a ticket on a boat and went the opposite direction "to flee from the LORD." (1:3) The description isn't subtle and there's no attempt to give it some religious veneer or the appearance of obedience. God said, "Go!" Jonah said, "No!"

God didn't tell Jonah what the outcome would be and He doesn't make any guarantees when He gives us instructions to follow, either. When God and Abram began their journey together in Genesis, God only told him, "leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you". (Genesis 12:1) No coordinates. No landmarks. Just an edict to leave and start traveling. The rest is part of the faith Abraham (name change later in Genesis) is lauded for in the rest of the Bible. That faith is what God wants to cultivate in us, too. By unveiling His plans for us one step at a time.

But Jonah didn't have that kind of faith in the moment when God initiated contact. And without it, it's easy to run.

But why? Is it fear? If so, fear of God or fear of others? Was Jonah afraid of God's power in his own life or of the journey he was about to take if he obeyed? Was his fear based on the brutal reputation of the Assyrians since he was a member of an inferior nation? Or, as the later chapters of Jonah's book may reveal, was he afraid that God's judgment wouldn't be harsh enough and he wanted the Assyrians to suffer?

I relate to all possibilities. Sometimes I run from God because I'm afraid of the magnitude of the task before me once He reveals it. I forget that He is the one who will equip me if He is the one who calls me. But in my finite mind it is too daunting. Too complicated. Too uncomfortable. I can't conquer this, I say to God. I want to cling to this sin (or insecurity, or false notion, or relationship, or the status quo, etc.) so I refuse to listen to you. I'm happy where I am and change is too hard. So I run from Him.

I also can relate to Jonah's fear of other people. Especially if they're big, bad and mean like the Assyrians were. God may be calling me to a part of His kingdom work, but if there are looming obstacles in my way in the form of people poking at my insecurities or making life difficult, I will be sorely tempted to protectively carry my fragile ego to a place where I won't be needled by God's voice. I will choose my flavor of security instead, thank you very much. So I run from Him.

And I am embarrassed by how closely I feel linked to Jonah's fear that God wouldn't make the wretched sinners pay. What if God's grace really does apply to them, and not just me? Then I'm not as righteous as I think I am, am I? How dare God extend the same mercy and compassion to those who aren't as devoted and obedient as I am? How will I carry on if my theology is compromised by actually seeing God do something I don't understand? Tsk, tsk. My heart is so tiny sometimes. It wasn't just the Jews of the Old Testament who thought God's favor rested solely on them. I do it, too. Somehow I live as if I can earn the blessings in my life and cause God's love for me to grow, while secretly smiling that others aren't seeing the light so I can justify my own position with God. So I run from Him.

I'm not saying Jonah was right to give into his fear and run. I'm just saying I get it. In lots of subtle ways. Jonah's flight just might have been easier to see because it was physical, whereas mine is often mental or emotional. And fleeing affects my faith and makes an impact on the lives of the people around me. Just like Jonah's attempt to escape God's calling put the sailors' lives in danger until he recognized the connection between his disobedience and the ship's precarious position.

Why do I run from God? Why do I resist hearing His voice when I know that it's only in connection to Him that I find life? His call may be difficult. It may be complicated. It may involve change or even sacrifice in parts of my life that I love. But when I live in obedience the path of communication and understanding is wide open for me to run to Him and find forgiveness, comfort, and guidance when I need it. When I'm deep in the belly of the beast. When the light is gone and I'm afraid for my life. When the waves sweep over me and seaweed is wrapped around my head, I will look to my God and find refuge.

Lord, build my faith and draw me into your presence. Give me strength to conquer my fear of you and help me trust your plan for me so that I won't run from you. I want to run toward you. Amen.

• Read the book of Jonah. What attributes of God do you see in this story that are comforting? Which ones are harder to make peace with? Why?

• Read Jonah 1:9. How do you reconcile Jonah's identification as a Hebrew and a worshipper of God, even though he was living in blatant disobedience? It's more common than you think. How do we justify living in disobedience while still claiming to worship God? Are the two even incompatible?

• What do you think causes Jonah's faith and obedience to ebb and flow throughout this account? He realizes he's the cause of the storm, so he has the sailors toss him over. Then he utters some raw and powerful truth in the belly of the fish. At the end, he's mad at God again. What gives? Do you relate?