Post Mother's Day Meltdown

I think I’m suffering a bit of a post-Mother’s Day meltdown.

I try really hard not to have any expectations. That way I won’t be disappointed. After all, aren’t these holidays created by the greeting card companies to urge us toward sentimentality that will also create a profit for them? Perhaps the premise is less cynical than that, but I’m not. I am fundamentally opposed to a specified day for expressing emotions and gratitude that would mean so much more if they were spontaneous. But maybe it’s precisely because these sentiments aren’t expressed regularly in relationships that Hallmark felt compelled to give us an opportunity each year.

Here’s my personal dilemma: When I’m not lavished with words of affirmation or a gift or a card or flowers on one of these particular days, I immediately think that I’m not worth the effort. If there was something good to say about me, a gesture to be made, my loved ones would certainly take advantage of the opportunity, right? Apparently there’s no prize for average.

And because my husband and I wanted more children but were unable to have them, each year on Mother’s Day I feel a little like a phony. Real moms have lots of arms around them, I say to myself. They’re busy with important tasks that make the lives of their children lovely. They’re tired, but happy. Overwhelmed in good ways and bad because of all the people they bless in the course of a day. They deserve recognition and breakfast in bed. I only have one kid, and he’s the easiest kid in the world to parent.

I’m not a pumpkin-carving, egg-dying, craft-making mom. I’m also not a busy career woman who serves her family lovingly even though she’s been working hard all day earning a living. I cook dinner a few times a week, do the laundry and take my only child where he needs to go. In between I do some Bible studies. What’s to celebrate, after all? Would life really be all that different if I didn’t do these things?

I have a good life and I am grateful. My husband earns enough so I don’t have to take just any job and I can figure out what I’m going to do with my life. My son is well-behaved, bright, funny, and polite. Why am I so disappointed that no one recognizes my mediocrity? It’s a funny paradox, isn’t it? And even though I go back to the fact that God made me and loves me for who I am, I can’t help but think sometimes that He might be disappointed in me too.

So today I will make the beds extra smooth with freshly laundered sheets. And beef is what’s for dinner in our house tonight. And I will wait for some loving words from my Heavenly Father saying, “well done” in some area of my life that will make it all worthwhile.