Saturday, November 17, 2012

Conviction

Saturday morning in my jammies, drinking coffee, reading about Old Testament history and the sins and missteps of the tribes of Israel. One of those mornings I love to savor until the to-do list has to be taken care of.

I was tempted to keep reading in 1 Kings today because I hadn't read very far, when I remembered someone long ago suggesting that my time in Scripture should last until God stops me. He stopped me and had me scratching my head and searching my heart within just a couple of chapters today.

In 1 Kings 13 there is a man of God who comes to give King Jeroboam kind of a scary prophecy. The prophecy is not favorable to the king so he tells his guards to seize the man of God, and when he points at the culprit, his hand shrivels up. (Don't you love this stuff!?) "AAAHHH! Pray for me and heal my hand!" the king yells. (Wildly paraphrased by me)

He does; it heals; the king invites the man of God for dinner. (again, not a word for word translation, you understand)

"No can do," says the man. "You can offer me anything, but I've been told by God not to eat or drink anything on this mission. And I have to listen to God's instructions."

That was my first pause. What conviction, I thought. I will not be swayed by the king himself. I won't let power or influence or reward to sway me from listening to and obeying what God has said. I want to be like that.

Read on.

The king sends a guy after him, who also invites him home to eat. And again, the man of God sticks to his guns and says he can't eat or drink on his mission from God. (Is this where Dan Akroyd and John Belushi got their phrase?)

Never mind, says prophet #2. God told me you're supposed to come back with me and eat and drink with me at my house.

Ok, says prophet #1. He goes back and eats at prophet #2's house, leaves and gets mauled and killed by a lion on the way home because he disobeyed. You just can't make this stuff up, I tell you.

Prophet #2 gets wind of the tragedy and says, "Yep. Look what happened because he didn't obey God. Poor guy. Let's bury him."

The story made me think about the strength of my convictions and where they come from. If the man of God in this story had strong enough conviction to say no to the king, what or who finally wore him down to a place of disobedience? And what was it like to feel that surge of conviction and God-confidence in the first place? Finally, how careful do I need to be when tossing out the words, "God told me..."?

I can tell you that I long for a deep sense of conviction that comes from God in my life. How glorious to have heard His voice so clearly that I can have an inner, resounding, "Yes!" from him to propel me in my daily actions and life's purpose. I also know that it doesn't take much for me to waver in that. To wonder if it really was God after all. To question the wisdom, convenience or timing of it all. Truth be known, I probably would have caved in front of the king.

But sometimes I feel so superior in my spirituality that I want to make others question their own convictions. It doesn't make sense to me, so I say, "Did God really say that to you?" Huh. That's what Satan said to Eve in the garden. Real spiritual...

So my takeaway this morning, as I realize I simply MUST get dressed and be on with my day, is that I'm going to boldly ask God for conviction. To hear His voice. And for the inner fortitude, through the power of the Holy Spirit, not to be swayed.

And that I will have the grace and humility to trust that God is speaking to other people, too. And that Jesus died for them, too. And forgives them, too. It's not just about me. Ouch.

Lord, would you speak clearly to my heart and give me bold conviction to follow where you lead. Amen.